And She Wore White

One of the etiquette questions that came up this summer for friends of mine was the idea of not being the bride and the rules of wearing white. The scenario was a bridal luncheon that we were attending as bridesmaids. One of my best friend’s had packed two dresses, one was a solid-white sundress and the other was just a backup plan. She brought both on the trip hoping that the bride wouldn’t mind her wearing the white dress (which she didn’t). While we were getting ready my friend asked my opinion of her wearing the white dress. I quickly responded that I wouldn’t wear it, but others thought if the bride didn’t mind then to go ahead and wear it. Ultimately, she didn’t wear the white dress because she was going back and forth so much with her decision. I’m sure in the end the bride would not have cared, but I’m sure it would not have gone unnoticed by others and it eliminated all the worrying my friend had making the decision.

The next day at the wedding we all immediately noticed one of the family member’s of the groom wearing a white dress and debated further. We all could argue both sides: it is so hot who cares what she is wearing OR how could she have the audacity to wear a bleach-white dress! It sparked my interest and I decided to do some research.

Turns out that everyone is giving conflicting information. I came across this article from April 2009 that polled a number of well-known experts and some said don’t wear white and others said it didn’t matter. Surprisingly, Peggy Post said that wearing white is acceptable. Here is the link Would You Wear White To Someone Else's Wedding? | The Frisky.

Well, all I can say is my opinion and provide a few guidelines for you to live by. Of course I’m more traditional and conservative than most, but I always consider others feelings, which I think is most important when you’re attending an event such as a wedding, bridal shower, baby shower etc. You don’t want to take the spotlight off the guest of honor, bottom line.

If you are attending a wedding leave the white dress at home. This is the bride’s one day where it is completely about her. Wear your cute white dress out to dinner with friends and other social gatherings all you want, but leave it behind when you’re attending weddings. If the dress is primarily white, off white, or cream leave it out of the running for your wedding-day outfit. White accents on a dress are fine, but if your “debating” if it is appropriate or not it probably isn’t. I always found that if I’m dressing for something and I’m not feeling completely sure if it is the right outfit it probably isn’t.

I tried to find some pictures of dresses that I thought could be looked as appropriate, but really probably are not.

What is your opinion on wearing white dresses to weddings? I’d love to hear some of your stories/experiences.

Engagement Parties

We were recently invited to an engagement party for good friends of ours in Chicago. This of course sparked my interest as a blog topic. Despite being a Professional Bridal Consultant, I myself have only been invited to two engagement parties. I’m still trying to wrap my arms around the Midwestern custom of engagement parties, but considering I’ve only been invited to two then I’m beginning to think they aren’t as popular. Hailing from the northeast (tri-state area N.Y., N.J., Conn.) I know that the custom during the engagement period is to actually send a gift. When my husband and I got engaged we got some very nice gifts from the east coast group, while the Midwest side wanted to throw a party. Readers, where are you from and what is your regional custom?

Before attending the most recent engagement party, I had to pull out my Peggy Post books to read up on what is the proper practice for throwing engagement parties and attending engagement parties.

The hosts. According to Peggy the bride-to-be’s parents usually host the engagement party, but any family member or friends may do so. When family lives in different parts of the country parents of the bride and groom may host separate parties in their hometowns.

What type of party? Cocktail and dinner parties seem to be the most popular, but there is no standard format. Sometimes, engagements are announced at surprise parties. Casual brunches to formal receptions, all are possibilities as long as it fits the couples taste.

The guests. Generally the guest list is limited to family and good friends. The size of the guest list is up to the hosts and engaged couple, but please keep in mind that whoever is invited to the engagement party should be invited to the wedding. Actually, it is in bad taste to invite people to any type of pre-wedding event and not invite them to the actual wedding.

Invitations. Any type of invitation is acceptable, depending on the type of party. The more formal the party, the more formal the invitation. Email invites, postcards, and simple emails are all options these days.

Gifts? Do you bring a gift or not? “It depends” is the answer Peggy gives us. Gift instructions are not to be included on the invitation, but if the couple feels strongly that they would not like gifts they can spread that by word of mouth through the hosts. Ultimately, your decision should be based on your local custom, your relationship to the couple, and your budget. Often close friends and family members do give a gift. An engagement gift is really a good-hearted gesture and does not need to be expensive or elaborate.

Ideas for engagement gifts:

§ Picture frame (wedding themed if possible) with photo of couple that you took

§ Wedding Planning/related book(s)

§ Gift card to couple’s favorite restaurant

§ Bottle of wine/liquor

§ Cookbook

Opening gifts at the engagement party is not appropriate unless everyone brought a gift to the party. Reminder that if gifts are received a thank you note must be sent, despite having thanked the couple at the event. Reminder: send that thank you note promptly after the party. If a thank you is sent too late then it becomes lackluster.

Tell me about your engagement party experiences and local customs.